chelsealaurenmurphy

blah, so im not having too much fun in new york now. they only have me working like two days a week, which is definatley not enough hours to actually MAKE money. i fight with my grandma a lot, and i dont like to :/ she thinks i stole $900 from her, and i DIDNT. its not fair. the only good thing about right now, is me and ryan are talking again. i thought i was over him, he thought he was over me, but turns out, we both were wrong. we talked like two days ago for the first time in forever, and we realized we are soooo not even close to being over eachother, and why would we even want to be? we were a GOOD couple, when we werent fighting. which we are working on that. we are using this summer as our time to fix what we did to fuck up last time, and to make things perfect, so when i come back to south carolina, we will be the happiest two people alive, together. i miss him a lot. i want to go home, now. pleaaaseee someone come get me.

actually, i start working tomorrow.
and im fixing to leave to go shopping now.
lalala____________ im bored. :]

im in new york! im so happy. i got to get away from everything troubling in south carolina. i do miss my family but its definately great up here. i start my job next week. :D mmm yeah, so if you live here, lets hang out :]

im leaving for new york in like 9 hours! i so cant wait. shits gone bad with ryan, he hates me, and im such a wreck without him. but ill live, and this trip to new york is gonna make things better. i hope so, atleast. i just need a new start, i guess. but i really do miss ryan. how do you get over heartbreak?

PENIS.

suck mine.

mhm.

ha, uhm, disregaurd that last post.
the minute i say things are perfect, it dies.

i hate this. me and ryan get in a fight like every week.
over stupid shit, too. i just cant get over his ex girlfriend.
i fucking hate that bitch, and so does he! but i cant get over their past.
now, things are just terrible. no, me and ryan arent even close to breaking
up, but still i hate this feeling.

i feel like, betrayed? or something. idk why, but i jsut feel liek hes
been sneaking around. idk why. i feel really bad. god. i hate this. i hate
all of it. this shit is what makes me think of every other little thing that
has made my life terrible and it all adds up and makes me feel terrible.

i want to be happy, all the time. or even just most of the time. god.
is happiness that hard to ask for? at least, back in florida, when i was doing
drugs, sneaking out, and messing around, i wasnt this fucking depressed. i had
a life and i knew what i was doing.

:/

so my life is perfect again.
please, dont let it change.
i love my boyfriend so much.
right now, things seem impossible to ruin.


every breath is just... worth breathing.
so fresh, and purifying.


this is such a shock for those whove seen the " i fucking hate myself, i really wish id die " side of me.









dont ruin this.

ive been lazy today.
sat on my ass and did nothing.
my cell phone broke.
i need $110 dollars to get a new one, thats the cheapest i can get one according to sprint and my policy and crap.

HI IM BORED.


im going to see the hills have eyes two at nine!

bye.

get these memories of you out of my fucking system.
just leave me alone. im sick of feeling like im dying everytime i see
your pictures, your number in my phone, your ocmments on my friends pages.
i never got closure back in october when we broke up. i just thought i could
move on with no issues, but that isnt the case.

leave my mind.

im happy with my boyfriend.
and im not breaking up with him.ever.
but i dont want to be bombarded with memories of YOU.
fuck the world.

today was really not that bad.
last friday i had a really shitty day and most of it was caused from stuff amanda said, about ryan and all that good stuff. so all weekend i wanted to basically kill her. then i thought about it, and realized its not worth getting expelled because this is my second fight this year. so i worked things out with her. and then the rest of my day just turned out to be great. :] i really cant wait until summer. me, rachel, ryan, and johnny are definately going to myrtle beach for a few days. it will be amazing. i definately have to go visit clermont too. i miss it so bad. im not sure when im moving to phoenix, but i think its gonna be sometime this summer... but im kinda hoping not, because i cant leave ryan. hes so amazing. mmmmm so yeah.

oh yeah, tomorrow is anna svidesrkys 11 month anniversary since she died :[
rest in peace.

today was fun.
we went to chuck e cheese for my brothers birthday lol.
then rachel & johnny came over and me, ryan, and them went to walmart. :D
i had a good day, yeah. :]

lately, things have been crazy. i don't know whats going on with ryan. today i made him cry... last night i found out he really IS talking to his ex in lugoff, the one who cheated on him with eight guys.. and the whole past weeek, id been asking him, " have you been talking to ashleigh, ryan i know she wants you back so bad im scared of losing you" and he told me i had nothing to worry about and that he hated her, and would never date her again.. well i saw their messages to each other and she was like, i miss you so bad and i want to be with you again, ill do anything it takes, and he goes, i feel the same way. tell me that is not wrong. try and tell me that. when he told me to my fucking face that he had NO contact with her and HATED her. so i flipped. and i saw him this morning and he tried to explain and i was like dude, i dont want to hear it. so he got reaalllly upset. then we kinda talked before second block i wrote him the longest note explaining how i felt, and he wrote back saying you just misunderstood, i love you, id never get back with her i was just being nice... well there are other ways of "being nice." its going to kill me, but i think im going to try to NOT go back with him. i really like him.. so much.. but i cant let him do this, its the second time. ugh things are so confusing.

if you'll be my star
ill be your sky
you can hid underneath me and come out at night
when i turn jet black and you show off your light
i live to let you shine

my life in the past few weeks;


im missing florida, terribly.
im hating south carolina, with a passion.
im loving my social life.
im sick of the high school drama.

im with someone amazing now.
its been three weeks. his name is ryan. i never thought
we would end up together, but im so glad we are. hes the
best boyfriend ive had, so far. he treats me great, and
hes really sweet. he always makes me smile.

uhhhmmm, the drama involved with this is laaame.
as mostly everyone knows i got in a fight in november with
dylan, and people still arent shutting up about it. its over.
we already went to court, and i still have another 2,000
word essay to write. but me and her are pretty much chill twards
another now. but she still is in love with one of my amazing friends,
angels, boyfriend. ehhhh. i think she really should get over him.

I MISS FLORIDA.
it kills me everytime i see anything that reminds me of it.
i miss my friends, i miss my school, i miss my life.
it was amazing there. it puts sumter, sc to shame. yes, i have
changed A LOTTTT since i moved here, but stilll idkkkk. maybe
change isnt for the better?

i felt really sick :/

my french teacher hates me.
and school has been terrible.


i cant wait until i goto new york on the 28th :]